If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
