i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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