ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
