based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
