I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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