I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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