So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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