i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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