i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
