life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
