I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
