I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
