Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
