i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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