cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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