she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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