There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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