There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
