I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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