Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
