I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
