Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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