I accidentally burped into my bong.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
