Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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