fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm at about main and main street
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
