I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
