You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
