FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
