I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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