so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
COCAINE IS GR8
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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