3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
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birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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