we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
