Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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