Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
