Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
