guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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