just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
