Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
