the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
