Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
