What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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