i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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