2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
