Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
