I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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