Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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