i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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