I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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