Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
