She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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