he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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