when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
