new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
