Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
