Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
