Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
