i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
