I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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