you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
