is wine microwaveable?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
