So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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