it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
