Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
