swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
