you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
