and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
