I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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